counseling san diego Archives

Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives. Dr. Laura Schlessinger, radio talk host, wrote this New York Times Bestseller back in 1998 and still applies. There’s more to feeling in love for a healthy relationship. Don’t get bogged with the feeling. The word ‘stupid’ defines the behavior, not the person just so no one is offended. Ten Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives:

Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives

1. Stupid Chivalry – By getting involved with the wrong woman (weak, flaky, damaged, needy, desperate, stupid, untrustworthy, and immature) you think your love will save/transform her.

2. Stupid Independence – Unwilling to admit “need” for bonding and intimacy, you hide in execesses of work, play, drink, drugs, porn, and meaningless sex.

3. Stupid Ambition – Unable to comfortably and proudly accept your inherent importance to society and family as husband and father, you bow to the false idols of money, toys, power and status.

4. Stupid Strength – Uncomfortable with feeling, vulnerable, useless, powerless, or rejected, you use intimidation, force, or passive-aggressiveness to regain control.

5. Stupid Sex – Taking an attraction, opportunity, or erection as a “sign” you measure your masculinity and power by sexual conquests, infidelities, and orgasms.

6. Stupid Matrimony – Lacking a mature sense of the purpose, meaning or value of marriage, you realize too late you’ve gone down the aisle with the wrong woman for the wrong reasons and feel helpless to “fix it.”

7. Stupid Husbanding – Thinking that marriage is the honorable discharge from loving courtship, you continue life as though you were single and your “mommy-wife” will take care of everything else.

8. Stupid Parenting – Believing that only women/mothers nurture children, you withdraw from hands-on parenting to assert your masculine importance, missing out on the true “soul food” of a child’s hug.

9. Stupid Boyishness – Having not yet worked out a comfortable emotional and social understanding with your mother, you form relationships with women that become geared to average, resolve, or protect you from your ties to Mommy.

10. Understanding the true and meaningful difference between being male and a man, you can become a man.

In my work with men the goal is to acquire knowledge and know how when meeting and interacting with women to prevent an epic fail. When you have the know how to select the appropriate woman for your life partner you can rest assure you won’t be exercising any of the above behaviors.

Call me at (858) 735-1139 so you can learn what is needed to get started.

Are You Part Of the Statistics Of Infidelity? San Diego’s County Fair is back in swing post COVID-19. Every year there is a theme that draws hundreds to this yearly event. In 2015 the theme was “A Fair To Remember.” The theme for that year commemorates the celebration of world fairs and Balboa Park. I was at the Fair for the 4th of July. Crowded, noisy, but very Americana especially when the fireworks were displayed. Whenever I see fireworks on the 4th of July I feel a sense of Nostalgia knowing people across the Country are looking up at the sky viewing similar patterns of lights and feeling a sense of pride for our Country.

Are You Part Of the Statistics Of Infidelity?

That year’s title theme reminded me of an old classic film entitled “An Affair To Remember” starring Deborah Kerr and Cary Grant. About a women and man who meet during a cruise, fall in love and plan to meet at the top of the Empire State Building in New York City taking 6 months apart to take the time to get their lives in order and end the relationships they are currently involved in so they can be together. I was thinking while standing among the crowds as lovely as that story turned out people don’t always have happy endings when it comes to their affair “lovers.”

Infidelity Statistics show from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy dated April 8, 2015:

70% of marriages that experience affairs do NOT end in divorce. When people leave their marriage for their affair, the new relationship rarely survives (3 to 7% survive).

1. Men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had – 57%

2. Women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had – 54%

3. Marriages where one or both spouses admit to either physical or emotional – 41%

Are You Part Of the Statistics Of Infidelity?

Of course, there is no excuse or justification for cheating. As a Marriage Counselor and Affair Recovery Specialist, I recommend husbands and wives be more forthcoming with their praise for each other and tell each other how much they appreciate one another so they don’t want to look elsewhere for that validation. Men and women get married because they want one person in the entire world to really think we’re wonderful for doing all the things that we do. We all want the same thing. The more we give the more we want in return.

If you’re having an affair and don’t know how to get out of it or want to stay in it and need help telling your wife/husband call me at (858) 735-1139. Or if you want to save your relationship we can certainly talk more about what you can put in place so your marriage/relationship is protected from the above statistics. Helping people who ask the question…”should I stay or should I go?”