couples and relationships

The New Year’s Eve Kiss

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The New Year’s Eve kiss.  Whether you ring in the new year watching the Times Square ball drop from your living room or toasting champagne at an upscale establishment, tradition makes a case for celebrating the new year with people you love.  According to English and German folklore, the first person you encounter in a new year—and the nature of that encounter—sets the tone for the rest of the year.  A kiss is about strengthening relationships you wish to maintain in the future. If a couple celebrating together on New Year’s Eve want something more from their date taking the time to lock lips at the stroke of midnight can solidify the relationship.

For single people, there’s a superstition that not kissing anyone suggests a year of loneliness and lack of validation that you are lovable.  Like any other holiday, New Year’s Eve can put a great deal of stress on those without “plus ones”.  As a Marriage Counselor in private practice, I had a client, Julie, 38, who ditched New Year’s Eve plans she’d made with friends because she didn’t want to be the only single person in the group.  Julie stayed at home, where a New Year’s Eve kiss wasn’t a possibility or a threat and she ended up regretting the decision as she missed out on being with people who cared about her.

Even having a significant other doesn’t guarantee a romantic smooch at midnight.  I worked with a couple who have replaced a romantic night out on the town with a family-friendly community event with their children.  She said her husband says the New Year’s Eve kiss is passé because they were too tired to stay up til midnight.  They kissed each other and their children the following morning.

This relaxed, flexible approach seems to be the key to enjoying New Year’s Eve, whatever your relationship status. Celebrate with loved ones in an environment that makes you feel safe and comfortable. The midnight kiss isn’t so different from a New Year’s resolution—despite your best intentions, you probably won’t pull it off perfectly, if at all.

You can always kiss your friends, family members, pets, or whoever is around that make you happy.  Some people close their eyes at midnight and remember their favorite kiss.  Remember a Kiss is just a Kiss so whoever you kiss your new year will be the best year ever.

Happy New Year everybody.  Call me at (858) 735-1139 if you need to put some plans in place to make your New Year the best year ever.

 

Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships

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Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships. Dr. Laura Schlessinger, radio talk show host and author writes about the problems women and men face in finding peace in love and the ways in which they hurt themselves and one another in their romantic relationships. Again the word stupid describes the “behavior” not the person so as not to offend anyone in particular.

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Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships
  1. Stupid Secrets – Withholding important information for the fear of rejection. This is what I call being Conflict Avoidant.  Conflict avoidance creates conflict.
  2. Stupid Egotism – Asking not what you can do for the relationship but only what the relationship can do for you.  This is selfishness and immaturity.
  3. Stupid Pettiness – Making a big deal out of the small stuff.
  4. Stupid Power – The need to always be in control.  Eliminate power struggles by holding discussions then coming to a consensus.
  5. Stupid Priorities – Consuming all your time and energies with work, hobbies, errands, and chores instead of focusing on your relationship.  Another means of conflict avoidance.
  7. Stupid Happiness – Seeking stimulation and assurance from all the wrong places to satisfy the immature need to feel good. Relying too much on other rather than concentrate on self.
  8. Stupid Excuses – Not being accountable for bad behavior.
  9. Stupid Liaisons – Not letting go of negative attachments to friends and relatives who are damaging to your relationship.  Exercising inappropriate behavior is most always self-destructing.
  10. Stupid Mismatch – Not knowing when to leave and cut your losses.
  11. Stupid Breakups – Disconnecting for all the wrong reasons.

 

Acknowledging your stupid mistakes can be difficult, but with the help of an effective Marriage Counselor you can learn how to correct them and how to find satisfaction and joy in your most important relationship.  For additional information please contact me at (858) 735-1139.