Signs It’s Time For Marriage Counseling. I always thought a class about relationships would have been beneficial to any high school curriculum. When I was in school Home Economics taught us how to cook and sew. Auto Shop taught us how to repair and maintain cars. But what about developing and fostering working relationships? The general population is clueless when it comes to understanding what it takes to be in a loving and caring relationship. We learned interpersonal and interactive skills from our families of origin. Depending on what was going on in your family those social skills could have been limited as all families have their limitations as they too did not receive any class in How To Be In A Good Relationship or How To Find An Appropriate Partner. As a Couples Therapist I see dozens of Couples every month with similar problems. During the course of my 20 years of practice I have continued to see the same problems over and over again. Communication difficulties, Sex, Children, Money, Past Issues, Unresolved Personal Issues (Baggage), and Infidelity. So what are the signs for when it’s time for Marriage Counseling?
Signs that may indicate a need to seek Marriage Counseling:
Constantly Arguing. Communication is key. Whether you are constantly arguing or fearful of bringing up any issue a Couples Counselor is able to help the couple obtain clarity about what it is they want to talk about and help them understand what it is they really want.
Your Sex Life Has Become Mediocre. If you haven’t been having regular or passionate sex this may be a sign of loss of intimacy and construed as a problem. Also if your partner all of a sudden behaves like a courting lover or wants to experiment with new activities that he/she has never expressed an interest in before, could indicate that he/she is experiencing feelings of arousal that may not be originating from the relationship with you.
Children. Children are huge stressors in a marriage. It is imperative that you are a united front and that your parenting styles, no matter how different they maybe, keep the children’s best interest at heart. Our jobs as parents are to raise our children to be responsible, self-sufficient, law abiding citizens with the skills to function in society as functioning adults. If your parenting styles differ too much talking to a Marriage Counselor will help you put aside your own self interests and concentrate on what is best for your children.
Finances. Disagreements over money are one of the top reasons couples find themselves in conflict. If your spouse keeps you in the dark about family finances or feels the need to control everything related to money, it may be time to speak up. Christine K. Clifford of Divorcing Divas, suggests you say, “I want to be aware of our debt, our monthly bills, the balance on our mortgage, how many savings/checking accounts we have, etc.” If your spouse is not open to this discussion it is definitely time to see a Marriage Counselor as being equal partners is part of the foundation of a healthy partnership.
Baggage. When certain topics come up over and over again and seem unable to get resolved you can feel like you are going in circles to no avail. This “looping” counterproductive process may be due to Individual issues that are affecting the Couples Issues. When the Individual issues are addressed then managed or resolved it helps with the Moving Forward Process within the Relationship. When you notice the same issues coming up time and time again it is an indication they are not effectively being resolved. Marriage Counseling may help alleviate further distress and deterioration of the relationship.
Holding on to the Past. We all have personal issues that may or may not be resolved. Personal issues or past trauma like an affair or loss of a child can affect a Couple’s ability to move forward. Every person processes trauma differently so it is beneficial to seek the help of a Marriage Counselor to help facilitate the process.
Infidelity. If one or both of you have had an affair and aren’t sure what to do next consulting the help of an Infidelity Specialist could help guide you through the process of “Should I Stay Or Should I Go.” Divorce isn’t always the end result of an affair. Marriage Counseling can help the affair become the Impetus of a New and Better Relationship.
Marriage Counseling is about helping with communicating better and getting the clarity needed on what the problem is really all about. When you aren’t sure where you stand with each other it can cause allot of stress. It’s better to talk about issues in a proactive way sooner rather than later as waiting causes the relationship much anxiety and heartache.
Marriage Counseling is talking things out with an unbiased third party whose goal is to help your relationship feel more positive, improve communication so you and your partner can feel heard and respected, enjoy your time together, solve problems easier, build trust, and create a shared vision for your future.
Call me at (858) 735-1139 to see if Marriage Counseling makes sense for you.