Why Do Women Wear Red Lipstick

Why Do Women Wear Red Lipstick.  Here’s an article that gives the history of women and the wearing of lipstick that I found quite interesting as I believe wearing the color says something different about each person on any given occasion.  Check out the history at https://yesterface.wordpress.com/2011/06/04/the-history-of-lipstick/ to get a better appreciation of how lipstick shaped our culture.

woman wearing red lipstick

Wearing lipstick for most women is not always the case.  Wearing a particular color is a personal choice.  Some women like wearing modest colors for just that purpose, modesty.  Others prefer to make a statement and wear bold colors like purple, black and red.  According to the history of wearing red lipstick only “ladies of the night” wore them to identify themselves as professionals for sex.  As time went on and with the marketing of lipstick there still exists a sexual connotation but not so much in a derogatory fashion.  In the 21st Century color is a means of setting us apart from others and differentiating ourselves in becoming whoever and whatever it is we want to be and feel at any given time. We do this in the way we paint our nails and color our hair.  As well as in how we dress and what colors we choose in our wardrobe.  Color makes us feel a certain way.  Dark colors make individuals who favor Goth feel a certain way just like those who like vibrant colors feel a certain refreshing feeling.  So when choosing a lipstick women and men, choose a color to make them feel a particular way.

As a Marriage Counselor, I tend to wear soft pink colors and sometimes push that pink into a hot pink with gloss to make me feel happy.  As the seasons change it’s fun to change it up a bit so I wear browns, peaches, and cranberry to go with the many different outfits to feel those changes although we live in San Diego and it feels like Spring and Summer most of the time.

As a Marriage Counselor, I sit and listen to individuals, couples and families about their problems throughout the day.  They look to me for guidance as they process their thoughts and emotions.  I wear red lipstick at times because just like most older women, I want to feel youthful.  Wearing red makes a mother of a 28-year-old feel vibrant and relevant despite feeling the aches and pains of aging.  My red lips enhance my psychological well-being where I feel energized and confident.  The lips draw attention to the mouth and red gives the impression of self-assurance and authority.  This sense of empowerment helps lift my spirit as listening to problems throughout the day can be tiring as well as discouraging.   As a Marriage Counselor being confident in my directives helps give my couples the ability to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  When I feel good they benefit from my positive energy.

Some people were raised to believe that caring for oneself can be selfish.  I believe in taking care of the individual’s needs first, everyone else in that individual’s life then receives the appropriate care they need.  For myself, as a Marriage Counselor, wearing bright colors make me feel good and wearing a lip color that flatters my appearance just finishes it off.

To get the help you need to feel and look your best please contact me at (858) 735-1139

 

 

Once A Cheater Always A Cheater

Once A Cheater Always A Cheater.  This statement isn’t always true.  Some women whose husbands have cheated on them tend to think so.  As a Marriage Counselor working with couples for over 25 years I believe some infidelities are isolated incidents.  Men cheat for a variety of reasons.  Some are labeled as Philanderers.  These men chronically cheat on their wives and tend to have little guilt about their actions.  These types of cheaters fall under the category also know as recreational (fun sport to win and not get caught), seasonal (summer is typically the time as the wife and kids tend to be away on vacation), and opportunistic (when an opportunity presents itself where he is assured he won’t get caught) cheaters.  If and when caught they show fake remorse and do what they have to do to make things better at home just so they can continue to cheat.

Mature Woman Looking At Man Talking Privately On Mobile Phone

There’s the cheater who gets caught and claims he’ll never cheat again.  But doesn’t think he needs counseling for Affair Recovery where he gains insight about his poor choices and learns new ways of behaving so he never repeats this betrayal to hurt his family again.

And then there’s the guy who cheated due to whatever his issue was at the time and is remorseful and wants to do whatever it takes to repair the marriage.  The “whatever it takes” means more than just saying the words it means acquiring the tools to effectively communicate and implementing the process of Affair Recovery.  Easier said than done, right?  As a Marriage Counselor helping couples repair their marriages from the heartbreak of infidelity I hear statements like, “I will never cheat again,” “I know I will never cheat again,” and “I have learned my lesson and will never cheat again.” Words are meaningless unless you observe true remorse through changed behavior.  If the Affair Partner (the cheater) has the capability to articulate insight about why he did what he did and why there will be no likelihood of it happening again prognosis is good.   In addition, acquiring the necessary tools to demonstrate newfound insight through appropriate behavior will ensure trust is regained.

Upset young couple having problems with sex.

An unfaithful spouse does not blame their partner for driving them to cheat.

A cheater who feels little remorse for their actions isn’t likely to change.

A cheater who continues to defend his point of view/perspective is unlikely to move forward.

A cheater who continues to be defensive in general is protecting his feelings and not the feelings of the Hurt Partner (cheated on).

A cheater who gives little or no empathy cannot change.

A cheater who cannot articulate insight about why he believes he cheated and why it will never happen again is at high risk to cheat again.

A Hurt Partner who cannot successfully go through the process of Affair Recovery puts the relationship at high risk for similar circumstances.  The Hurt Partner has to be open-minded about the process.

Before a cheater can change they must work through their personal issues that drove them to stray.

As a Marriage Counselor working with Affair Recovery we can underestimate people’s ability to change.  I have counseled many husbands who have cheated on their wives who are filled with guilt and shame who have realized they have made a grave mistake whether through a one night stand or a short or long term affair.  They are consumed with regrets wishing there was anything they could do to take back the hurt they’ve inflicted on their wives.  They have come to understand they are not so self-entitled in their judgment and come in looking for help in saving their marriages.

If you need help understanding why you have had an affair and need help repairing your relationship please call me at (858) 735-1139.