Looking At Infidelity In A Different Light. Rethinking Infidelity. Is it cheating if you sleep with other people after having a discussion about opening up your marriage? Is talking to people on the internet or dating sites considered a betrayal? There are many reasons why men cheat and other reasons why women cheat. Whatever the reason, affairs are less about physical sex than they are about desire and the need to feel desired. As a Marriage Counselor and Affair Recovery Specialist, I hear compelling stories about why boundaries were crossed and why indiscretions were made.
In Affair Recovery, there are three options discussed with the couples I work with as I guide them through the crisis phase.
Option 1: Status Quo – Do nothing more than what they have been doing. Internalizing thoughts and feelings and continue to inappropriately act them out through bad behavior. Never getting the professional help needed to acquire moving forward skills and manage emotions.
Option 2: Move Forward – With a therapist who specializes in working with couples in affair recovery. My couples receive a Moving Forward Plan developed specifically for them as every couple has their own set of unique circumstances where they can understand and gain insight into why the affair happened and what is needed to be able to make an informed decision about whether or not they can stay together.
Option 3: Move On – Separation or Divorce. I believe you cannot make an informed decision whether to stay together or leave the relationship without undergoing the Affair Recovery process. Thereby making moving on premature where you may have regrets if you do so. Divorce makes no room for repair, resilience, and recovery.
In rethinking infidelity, affairs can be a form of self-discovery, a journey for a new or lost identity and a silverling where couples can develop a newfound relationship filled with content and happiness. Infidelity is likely to be a symptom of a problem. Exploring the underlying issues can be an experience for the “cheater” to grow, explore, and transform.
Call me at (858) 735-1139 if you want to talk about rethinking and reframing infidelity. As awful as an affair can be there can be something positive that comes from it.