Stop With The Codependency. If you already know what codependency is all about this could be an overkill talking about it. We are all codependent to a certain degree. I look at it as being on a spectrum. From offering help in a kind and appropriate way to losing yourself all together in a dysfunctional world of trying to make everyone happy and meeting their needs by sacrificing your own.
If you find yourself constantly seeking validation from others, questioning your own thoughts and opinions or feeling obsessed with trying to control others’ actions, you may think you’re going crazy, but the truth is you’re not crazy—you may just be codependent. You may be conditioned to believe that if you aren’t perfect then others will leave you. This can cause you to feel the need to constantly give of yourself until there’s nothing left. This can also cause you to have no boundaries, because you believe that if you set boundaries you won’t be loved for who you are. You may be so convinced that the only way to keep others around is to try and control them through manipulation or guilt.
As a young mother and until just about a few years ago, I was behaving in a codependent way with my eldest daughter who is 30-years-old. She is a bright and beautiful young woman who often times asked me for things I didn’t want to say “yes” to. Because she was a compliant kid with aspirations she acquired through dedication and hard work, I wanted to reward her with giving her what she asked for. As she didn’t ask for much as a child I overcompensated and agreed to some requests she made as she got older and resented it. As a result, my conflict avoidance in not telling her the truth created a lot more conflict than I had expected. Conflict avoidance leads to conflict. It hurt our relationship for a short time. I have since been more assertive and being more forthcoming in saying what I need and want to say and it has improved our communication.
The only way to heal from these behaviors and build healthy and stable relationships is to face what’s really going on internally. You have to first start by rebuilding the relationship you have with yourself. You have to see yourself as worthy and get the help you deserve. For a codependent, looking inward can be so painful, as it’s so much easier to focus on others than to face what’s really going on within yourself. However, once you face your codependency, the healing process will open doors you never imaged. It changed my life, and it can change yours.
For more information on understanding and recovering from codependency call me at (858) 735-1139.