Polyamory And Jealousy. Jealousy is probably the number one problem for most people who venture beyond monogamy. Jealousy is not unique to polyamory. The difference between jealousy in a monogamous relationship and jealousy in a polyamorous one is that there is an either or proposition for choice of a mate and jealousy is a reasonable strategy to keep others away from your partner or to discourage them from pursuing others. In polyamory, other lovers aren’t necessarily a danger but can be. When partners agree that including others would enhance their lives, jealousy and possessiveness are obstacles to their ongoing happiness rather than functioning to protect a twosome bond.
The main issue regarding jealousy is the fear of losing something, whether that’s exclusive sexual access, love or attention. This threat coupled with feelings of betrayal, deception, and lies break the trust and faith in relationships as agreements have been broken either implicitly or explicitly. So many people are dishonest about their attraction to others or unilaterally break their monogamous commitments to have secret affairs, that jealousy and betrayal are linked together.
When engaging in multiple relationships when is it betrayal and when is jealousy justified? When practicing polyamory appropriately individuals are to be upfront with their partners and share information about what is expected and what is not expected. What are the implicit and explicit agreements and what do each of the parties agree upon when it comes to each individual relationship. Defining your expectations with each other will clear up any misunderstandings and confusion and will help diffuse the individual triggers that we all possess when it comes to jealousy.
In my practice I help Couples who believe that love and intimacy with multiple partners can be successful when boundaries and expectations are put in place. Developing New Monogamy agreements do just that. If you would like more information on adjusting or improving your current relationship please contact me at (858) 735-1139.