Don’t Get Married Until You Do This

Don’t Get Married Until You Do This.  People are so quick to find someone, fall in love, and live that “Happily Ever After” they neglect setting a healthy foundation for a happy life-long union. In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by the age of 50. Almost 50 percent of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation.  Research estimates that 41 percent of all first marriages end in divorce.  60 percent of second marriages end in divorce and 73 percent of all third marriages end in divorce.  The divorce rate in the U.S. dropped 18% from 2008 to 2016, thanks to millennials.  Recent studies have shown that millennials are choosing to wait longer to get married and staying married longer and are the main driver in the decline of both the marriage and divorce rate in the US. However, the United States has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world.

Whether this is your first, second or third marriage, young or old, whatever your cultural background or religious beliefs it is wise to invest in Premarital Counseling.  The average wedding cost in the United States for 2017 was $25,764. Couples, on average, spend between $19,323 and $32,205 but, 50% of couples spend less than $15,000 (https://www.costofwedding.com/). This doesn’t even include the cost of a honeymoon.

People spend so much money on weddings and get so wrapped up in the concept of marriage that, as a Marriage Counselor, I see these couples in my office between years 1 – 7 as they claim they need help with communication.

Some newly engaged couples don’t think they need Premarital Counseling because they are in love.  If you’re not Catholic going through a mandatory “engagement encounter,” you might not even know premarital counseling is available.

As a Marriage Counselor, I believe it is essential to understand what the expectation is for how the couple manages their finances, where they are to live, how much contact they will have with their in-laws, and how their children will be raised among other topics discussed in premarital counseling.

I didn’t receive premarital counseling in my first marriage as we dated for 7 years and thought it wasn’t necessary.  The problems that existed prior to marriage magnified during the marriage. Without communication skills, the power struggles continued and the relationship deteriorated.  The premarital counseling process helps the couple understand and articulate what they want from their relationship.  Individual issues can be identified and adjusted as individual issues affect relationship issues.  The individuals in premarital counseling gain a better understanding of what they want and can share them with each other to enhance the relationship.

Premarital counseling should be added to the wedding planning budget.  It is an investment that will last longer than anything else on the wedding planning checklist.

For more information please contact me at (858) 835-1139.

 

 

 

Premarital Counseling – Do You Really Need It?

Premarital Counseling – Do You Really Need It?  Ahh the June Bride.  How romantic and exciting to have become engaged.  I was getting my nails done the other day and a mother of the bride was at the next stall going on and on about her daughter’s wedding. Right down to the colored napkins at the reception and whether or not they should have menus at each of the sit down place settings. I could tell by her conversation they were putting in a lot of time, energy, and money into the planning.  According to the Knot the average cost for a wedding in 2018 was $33,937.  According to Brides.com the average was $44,000.  As a Marriage Counselor I offer Premarital Counseling to Couples at a fraction of the cost to help make the move toward this joyous occasion. Many couples say they have talked about what their future will be like but haven’t really sat down and discussed what that will look like. There are important topics to be addressed and expectations should be made explicit before making that union legal.  If not, trust me…this will be a good first marriage where you’ll have learned how become an expert for the second. Premarital counseling cost a fraction of what it costs to plan a wedding. Why not include premarital counseling in your wedding plan so your investment makes for long-term happy memories.

marriage-postits

Courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net and artur84

Don’t Get Married Until You’ve Talked About These Topics:

  • What is your vision for our future?  What does that look like?
  • What are your goals or hopes for the marriage?
  • Who will manage the money and bills?
  • Will we have joint or separate bank accounts?
  • What are your expectations about sex and intimacy?
  • What are your expectations about involvement in religion or spiritual activity?
  • Where will we live?
  • Who will do chores?  How will they be divided?

  • Will we have children?  How many?
  • If we are blending a family, how will this work?  Will we both parent or parent only our own children?
  • How will be participate in the Holidays?  With the in-laws?
  • How will the household operate?  What does that look like?  What are our roles?
  • What are expectations about Individual activities and Couples’ activities?
  • How will we resolve conflict?
  • How will we communicate with each other?
  • And many more…….which are specific to your individual situation
Courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net and Stuart Miles

Laying down the foundation for your marriage in PreMarital Counseling is worth the time, energy and money you put into the process.  Having a marriage that not only works for you both, but is satisfying and happy is priceless.  It makes more sense to invest in premarital counseling as it can save you money in the long run from seeking the service of a divorce attorney who typically has rates of $450/hr. along with the heartache of splitting up a family.

Couples Counseling with me is time specific where you will be able to talk about what you want your future to look like and acquire the lifetime tools for conflict resolution, being able to effectively communicate, and  to ask for what you need and want from one another for a healthy union. Please contact me at (858) 735-1139 before you actually say “I Do.”

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