Women And Their Right To Sexual Pleasure

Women And Their Right To Sexual Pleasure.  With moving into the 21st Century women are becoming more and more empowered in having a voice.  Growing up in the 60’s we had the sexual revolution where the hippies of those days were considered immoral and lacking decent boundaries when it came to adhering to societal norms.  During that period of time sexual behavior was no different than as it is today, except sexual populations are open and society is more tolerate of them hoping to normalize what the sexual revolution intended, in positive ways.  What people do with their sex lives is their business as long as they are of no harm to themselves or others.

As a marriage counselor, I work with women who want to enjoy their sex life by giving them some sexual intelligence.  Throughout history men’s pleasure has been prioritized, often times at the expense of women’s pleasure and even consent.  With various women’s movement and the increased awareness of sex positive feminism women are asserting their own sexual pleasure.  To do this women need to understand their own desires.  Because of the ways in which we are taught and socialized it is difficult to ask for what we want when it comes to having an orgasm.  There are different kinds of sex.  According to Planned Parenthood, the different kinds of sex include:

Vaginal sex (penis in vagina intercourse)

Oral sex (mouth to genital contact)

Anal sex (penis in butt intercourse)

Fingering or hand jobs (hand to genital contact)

Dry humping or genital rubbing

Masturbation (touching yourself)

In determining your desires it would be good to begin your own sexual empowerment journey.  Ask yourself the following questions:

  • What turns you on
  • What kind of pleasurable sensations do you like best
  • Do you masturbate – do you know how to masturbate – are you comfortable doing so
  • Have you tried masturbating while having sex with your partner
  • Do you know how to ask for what you like
  • Do you know what you want during sex
  • Any shame about your desires
  • Any shame about the noises you make
  • Do you compare yourself to supermodels and become intimidated
  • Do you believe you have the right to your pleasure

Depending on how you grew up sex is typically shame-based, and stems from the belief that it is dirty and sinful.  When you can learn the answers to your questions and learn to let go of the shame, embarrassment, and the negative belief that you don’t have a right to your own sexual pleasure you can experience a sexual awakening.  Some people never do and will never experience the pleasure that those who do talk about.

For more information on claiming your right to pleasure and developing a sexual empowerment journey contact me at (858) 7835-1139.




How To Talk About Sex With Your Partner

How To Talk About Sex With Your Partner.  Most people received their first conversation about sex in public school by a Sex Ed. teacher.  And that most likely wasn’t very helpful as they showed us charts of the male and female reproductive systems while making it all sound so technical.  Then after the class our classmates would share what they know about sex and maybe even bring out some pornographic magazines for visual aid.  Then our parents would try and give us the “sex talk” and that information was probably minimal at best.  And for many people, that was the first and last time they had a sit-down conversation about sex.  So we all know how babies are made.  But do you know how to make the sex between you and your loved one hot and heavy and keep that passion ongoing for the duration of your relationship?


As a Marriage Counselor I work with Couples who have been married for years and barely ever talk about what they like and don’t like in bed.  Depending on how you were raised talking about sex could have been normalized, awkward or negatively reinforcement.  Talking about our sexual desire, needs, feelings and fantasies with our partner is healthy and necessary as the conversation develops a deeper level of intimacy or emotional connection which leads to a more fulfilling sex life.  For some it may be difficult and embarrassing to talk about sex but it doesn’t have to be.  As a Couples Counselor here is what is incorporated in developing a conversation about what you want from your sex life:

  1. Have an open Dialogue with your partner.
  2. Share your thoughts and feelings about the fact you’re even having a discussion about the subject.
  3. Write down your thoughts if you have to.
  4. Be honest.
  5. Share your fantasies.  You don’t necessarily have to act them out.
  6. Get educated if you don’t know exactly what you want or like or if your relationship could benefit from new ideas.  Reading books, watching a DVD (porn can help).
  7. Be specific as what works for one person may not feel good to another.  Ask your partner what he/she likes and be clear about what feels good to you.
  8. Don’t have the sex talk while having sex or immediately after but during a scheduled time where you set the framework for the conversation.
  9. Use Humor to diffuse any embarrassment.  Laughter is just one more way to build intimacy and draw couples closer together.
  10. Normalize sex talk and be comfortable with your body.

If you want the sex between you and your partner to be more in line with what you’ve been fantasizing about try utilizing the the tips for how to talk about sex.  In Marriage Counseling the first step to getting the sex you want is to start with a dialogue about what sex means to you and what you want more of.  Call me at (858) 735-1139 if you want to start the sex talk.

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