Why People Fantasize About Sex

Why People Fantasize About Sex.  Sexual fantasies are about more than just experiencing pleasure or enhancing arousal.  They can serve a range of psychological functions.   Here are the most commonly reported reason people fantasize about sex (survey or 4,175 Americans – J. Lehmiller, Ph.):

  1. Curiosity about sexual experiences and sensations.
  2. Unfulfilled sexual needs.
  3. To temporarily escape from reality.
  4. Curiosity about sexual experiences and sensation.
  5. To experience sexual arousal.
  6. To express or fulfill a socially taboo sexual desire.  
  7. To plan out a future encounter.
  8. Boredom.
  9. To relax or reduce anxiety.
  10. To feel more sexually confident.
  11. To compensate for an undesirable partner.
  12. To block distractions during sex.
  13. Unfulfilled emotional needs.
  14. To express creativity.
  15. To help fall asleep.

As a Marriage Counselor I see couples who believe that fantasizing about sex is deviant.  On the contrary, research indicates that having sexual fantasies is absolutely normal, if not necessary.  It’s part of being a sexual being.  It’s not having them that is not so normal.

Sharing fantasies can actually enhance a couples’ sex life making good sex, great sex.  Being able to share without actually following through with the behavior can make for hot sex as the dialogue about it is risk taking therefore developing intimacy for an emotional connection.

Depending upon your upbringing about sex having sexual fantasies can be shame-based.  Not everyone is comfortable talking about what turns them on let alone acting them out.

For more information about sexual fantasies and how they can enhance your love life contact me at (858) 735-1139.

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