Why People Fantasize About Sex

Why People Fantasize About Sex.  Sexual fantasies are about more than just experiencing pleasure or enhancing arousal.  They can serve a range of psychological functions.   Here are the most commonly reported reason people fantasize about sex (survey or 4,175 Americans – J. Lehmiller, Ph.):

  1. Curiosity about sexual experiences and sensations.
  2. Unfulfilled sexual needs.
  3. To temporarily escape from reality.
  4. Curiosity about sexual experiences and sensation.
  5. To experience sexual arousal.
  6. To express or fulfill a socially taboo sexual desire.  
  7. To plan out a future encounter.
  8. Boredom.
  9. To relax or reduce anxiety.
  10. To feel more sexually confident.
  11. To compensate for an undesirable partner.
  12. To block distractions during sex.
  13. Unfulfilled emotional needs.
  14. To express creativity.
  15. To help fall asleep.

As a Marriage Counselor I see couples who believe that fantasizing about sex is deviant.  On the contrary, research indicates that having sexual fantasies is absolutely normal, if not necessary.  It’s part of being a sexual being.  It’s not having them that is not so normal.

Sharing fantasies can actually enhance a couples’ sex life making good sex, great sex.  Being able to share without actually following through with the behavior can make for hot sex as the dialogue about it is risk taking therefore developing intimacy for an emotional connection.

Depending upon your upbringing about sex having sexual fantasies can be shame-based.  Not everyone is comfortable talking about what turns them on let alone acting them out.

For more information about sexual fantasies and how they can enhance your love life contact me at (858) 735-1139.

Top Fantasies For Men And Women

Top Fantasies For Men And Women. It can be scary sharing fantasies as doing so makes you vulnerable with the risk-taking of opening yourself up to where you could end up feeling a little bit embarrassed afterward. Sharing fantasies with your partner creates a more connected, more vital and erotic sex life. Even if you’ve been too afraid to share your fantasies, or if you have tried in the past and failed, communicating your fantasies and desires is how you turn up the heat in your sex life. Talking dirty can be hot and it can connect you in bed. But sometimes it can be hard to say out loud what you’re really thinking about.  Again, being vulnerable is not easy and most of us have learned that being honest about expressing our feelings can lead to some negative experiences.  Albeit learning how to reveal your most erotic longings and being able to do the “dirty talk”  will turn you on, turn your partner on and bring you to your most intimate moments together.


As a Marriage Counselor, I work with couples where one or both wants to be able to talk dirty in bed.

FantasiesWorking with my couples, I hear stories about wanting to stretch their sexual experiences with one another.  As a Couples Counselor, I help them initiate conversations about turning their “vanilla sex” (missionary) into hot sex.  Just having a conversation about what they might like to do in bed with each other stimulates an arousal for eroticism.  The anticipation makes for more lust and their sex life is less routine and boring.

 According to AskMen.com the top Female Fantasies:
  1. BDSM – Female Dominating over Male

  2. BDSM – Male Dominating over Female

  3. Teacher – Student

  4. Sex with a Stranger

  5. Threesome with a Female

  6. Threesome with a Male

  7. Voyeurism

  8. Force Fantasies – Women being taken

  9. Exhibitionism

  10. Private Dancer

According to Sundayworld.com top Male Fantasies:

  1. Oral

  2. Threesome

  3. Cheating

  4. Cleavage Sex

  5. Sex in the car while driving

  6. Sex on a Tropical Island

  7. Voyeurism

  8. Sex with Strangers

  9. Watching partner masturbate

  10. Submit to a Dominant Woman

Talking about fantasies most always stimulates the imagination.  Couples don’t necessarily have to act out all the fantasies they talk about but having a dialogue about them certainly, makes for more creativity in and out of the bedroom.

For more information on how to get the sex you want please contact me at (858) 735-1139