What Turns Men Off

What Turns Men Off.  There are certain things women do to make a man feel attracted to them.  And there are things women do to turn them off.  Do you ever wonder why your first date never turned into a second date?  Or why your guy broke it off with you when things looked like they were going just fine.  Most women are clueless to answer those questions as they unknowingly play a role in the downhill spiral of their relationships. Men are simple creatures and don’t require much in keeping them happy.  If you allow them to exhibit some male chivalry every now and then and show appreciation and thankfulness in return, they will respect and value you more.  Once they decide to make that commitment you will have the relationship that can grow into something meaningful.  Some things women do that are turn-offs for men:

  1. Try and change them.
  2. Have sex with them on the first date.
  3. Talk way too much.  Includes gossiping. talking about reality TV shows and anything trivial to excess.
  4. Show disloyalty.  Cheating, exercising bad behavior towards males or females.
  5. Not letting him be “the man.”  Alpha females are great, but ladies, let the guy be the man most of the time.
  6. Not saying what they mean.  Poor communication skills.  Saying yes when you really mean no. Passive-Aggressive behavior shows immaturity and lack of effective communication skills.
  7. Being too needy.  Have a life of your own.  Don’t expect to do everything together. Remember you are an Individual within the relationship.  You’re more attractive to him that way.
  8. Wearing too much make-up or perfume.
  9. Are “flaky.”  When you commit to something follow through.  Don’t keep changing your mind about things.  Being fickle doesn’t work these days….you appear flaky and not attractive.

  1. Play hard to get.  Play games in general.  Being immature.  Men want to be with women.  Act like a child and you’ll probably end up with a parent for a boyfriend.
  2. Drinks too much.  No one, not even women want an “alc” for a partner.  Drink in moderation so you don’t embarrass yourself or your partner.
  3. And finally, afraid or shy to eat in front of them.  Shows a lack of self-confidence, or worse, acting coy which contrary to what women may think is not “cute!


I can personally say I have been guilty of 11 out the 12 tips shared.  I’ve had my share of unexpected breakups and wondering “what the heck happened.”  I’ve worked with Individuals and Couples in Couples Counseling for the past 24 years and know what works and what doesn’t. Despite the fact that we are all different and unique in our own ways there are Do’s and Don’ts for both genders. The above are helpful tips for women to think about as they continue interacting with men.  How many of the above have you been guilty of?

For more information on what males and females like and don’t like please give me a call at (858) 735-1139.

What Men Really Want

What men really want.  Men are more sensitive than most women realize.  Men are just as interested in intimacy as women and truly wish to share their thoughts and feelings with a woman.  Women are attracted to confident men, but most men, however, are not.  They are socialized at an early age to be strong and capable suppressing any emotion that may make them appear weak or not in control.  Their confidence is masked with “machismo” like behavior which often times is not appropriate or desired from their counterparts.  Many women wonder what men are really looking for in a romantic relationship.  It really isn’t much different from what women look for their counterparts.

1.  Sharing of Feelings.  – Men want to be able to share their thoughts and feelings with a woman without being judged.  Men don’t find it easy to share their emotions to begin with so eliminate any judgments or criticisms and they are likely to express themselves more.

2.  Woman that are Self-Assured. – Confident women are more attractive than the ones that can be manipulated.  The latter are the women who are typically used and discarded but rarely engage in a relationship.  Women who know what they want and assert themselves to get what they know they deserve are also a quality that men appreciate and admire.

3.  Independent women.  –  A woman who isn’t “needy” or too available is always the better choice as men love their individual time, as well, making for two independent people being mutually dependent upon the relationship and each other.

4.  Appreciation.  Men respect women who appreciate them and have the ability to compliment and thank them.  They want to be loved for who they are and not for what they do or what they can buy them.  So a materialistic female is a turn off.

5.  Sweetness and Kindness. – Men appreciate and want women who make them feel good about themselves.  Who wouldn’t?!

Men want a woman who can ask for what they need and want trusting they won’t ask for anything unreasonable and would give the same in return with good integrity.  Relationships are about putting aside your immature acting out behavior to try and get what you want.  It’s about making the relationship you committed to nurture last through the test of time implementing your developed coping skills to resolve conflict, effectively communicate, and show each other love and understanding.  Couples counseling can give you the tools you need to nurture that commitment. Please contact me at (858) 735-1139 or email me at Sarah@CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com for more information in developing a long lasting healthy relationship that meets both your needs.