Why Women Cheat. There are various reasons why men and women cheat. The main reason women cheat is due to a lack of emotional disconnection or feeling of neglect within their own relationship. In many cases of infidelity, it is about feeling emotionally connected to someone. It is how that woman feels in that relationship. It isn’t so much the person as it is the feeling she gets from that person. Women, just like men, cheat because something is lacking in their current relationship. With the lack of connection and intimacy they feel depressed, lonely and, often times, alienated, and this can lead to doing things they would normally never do. According to recent data from Ashley Madison (Refinery29 report), women cheat because they feel they can be more honest with their cheating partner. Men cheat because they say there are lots of people who are open to being in an affair.
In Marriage Counseling these women tell me while engaging in their affairs they felt important, listened to and validated. The guilt, however, negated these feelings and in the end, couldn’t maintain the deceit.
Depending on what surveys you look at cheating and infidelity statistics reveal significant percentages of women say they would engage in extramarital affairs at some point in their relationship if they knew they would not get caught. There has been a 45% increase in affairs in the past 10 years. 75% of affairs often do not survive.
What these findings suggest is that approximately one half of all married men and women seek some kind of inappropriate intimacy outside their relationship, be it emotional or physical, as most affairs are not always about sex.
Other reasons why women cheat:
- Low Self- Esteem – Some women feel like something is missing in their lives. Gaining the attention from men can boost their self-confidence and self-esteem. Compliments, phone calls, flowers, and notes from another man are flattering and make a woman feel more attractive and wanted.
- Revenge – Sometimes women have affairs to get even with their husbands who have had affairs themselves so that the husband can feel the hurt, anger, and jealousy that they have felt.
- Excitement – If a woman doesn’t feel fulfilled or is bored in her life, seeking an affair can be a new and exciting venture and can bring about feelings of euphoria. Women want to escape from daily life and an affair becomes a way for that to happen.
- Romance – As women become comfortable in their relationships romance can get lost in the day-to-day routine of life. When a couple has been together for some time it can be difficult to keep the romance going. Some women aren’t even looking for affairs but can become seduced by the temptation of the “high” with any new relationship.
- Sex – As men and women are sexual beings it is natural to want and crave sex. If a woman is unsatisfied with her sex life and communication is already at a low, her interest may wander toward other men. If sexual activity drops dramatically in the relationship, the woman may feel unattractive and unwanted.
- An Exit Strategy – This is a way of sabotaging the relationship because for whatever reason the woman is already unhappy, dissatisfied, disgruntled, etc., and wants out. At times it can be intentional, other times it can be unconscious. When intentional an affair can be a passive-aggressive way to tell their partner they want out.
Women and men, alike, can hold a history of cheating due to their family of origin. Their parents may have cheated on one another, therefore, bad behavior was role modeled for them. Albeit, they did not like the behavior, it was normalized in some families and the behavior is repeated. Some people have poor coping skills and act out their emotions in inappropriate ways by cheating and hurting themselves and the ones they love. Women are no different from men when it comes to cheating, except that they are more apt to fall in love with their partner as women have a hormone (Oxytocin), that stimulates the brain and enables them to feel the “in-love” state more than men. Men typically like the quantity of more partners, where women like the quality.
In Marriage Counseling couples acquire the tools to learn how to make the most effective way of keeping their relationship healthy. If both partners make an effort to improve the relationship, keep a constancy of contact (spend regular time together), and effectively communicate, they can avoid feeling like they need someone else to make them happy.
With the changes in our society during the years, the percentages of women having affairs could be somewhat higher due to the continuing increase of women in the workplace and the increase of women actively participating in online chat rooms on the Internet. In conclusion, I believe that the numbers for women having affairs are probably equal to those for men—about 60%.
The key ingredient for mending a relationship after cheating is communication. For more information about why women cheat please contact me at (858) 735-1139.