Teresa Caputo and Larry’s Divorce. I’m a fan of the T.V. show, “Long Island Medium.” I’ve always been intrigued by psyche mediums and what they can do for individuals who have lost loved ones. They can offer peace and comfort informing us our loved ones are still with us in spirit. My brother and I went to see Teresa Caputo in Long Beach in June 2014. My brother, Sal, lost his partner many years ago. We had hoped we’d hear from him as we were seated not too far from the stage but alas, the night went on without a sign. He was happy to take a photo with Larry Caputo. Two years later my brother unexpectedly died.
Larry seemed like a very nice guy. Throughout the show, Theresa made some cute and humorous comments about him that were endearing. I observed him to be supportive, as well as playful with his wife with each episode. In Theresa’s book, “There’s More To Life Than This,” and on her show, she said her husband was very understanding of her anxieties about her psyche abilities early in their relationship and was always there for her during her tough times.
When I heard about The Caputos breakup and divorce I couldn’t help wonder if their marriage ended due to becoming Dreaded Roommates after being with each other for three decades. As a Marriage Counselor, I hear the statement “I love you,” but “I’m not in love with you” from couples who experience what I believe Theresa and Larry experienced. Being with each other for 30 years and trying to keep the romantic piece alive can be challenging. When we first get together in our romantic relationships we feel excited and alive due to the newness of it. We grow with each other and hopefully continue to grow as individuals. In healthy relationships, the individual still exists within the relationship. The two are Individuating and Differentiating from each other. Meaning we continue to grow and evolve into the person we are becoming while differentiating from our partner creating a good balance between the two processes to maintain a happy relationship.
The relationship can become threatened when one person starts to differentiate more than the other. As a Marriage Counselor, I hear couples say one of them has become distant and does their “own thing.” Coupling activity is limited and sometimes nonexistent. When individuals tend to overly concentrate on their individual interests and neglect their relationship the result can include a feeling of emotional disconnectedness. In Theresa and Larry’s situation, I can imagine her work with the T.V. show, writing books, touring, etc. put a toll on their marriage. The energy she receives from “doing me” can be alluring. Some women define themselves as wife, mother, daughter, and sister. But when they establish a successful professional life, that is validating. Perhaps a lot of personal energy went into her professional life, therefore, making little time for the relationship. Maybe becoming empty nesters enabled her to dedicate even more time to her endeavors. She states they grew apart. I believe that is true, however, I also believe the two of them differentiated from one another as concentrating on their individual selves (and not always in a bad way) damaged the intimacy needed to want to continue in the marriage. They say they will remain friends. And that’s a good thing.
For more information about maintaining the intimacy needed to stay “in love” please contact me at (858) 735-1139