The Happy Neurodiverse Marriage – How To Become One. There are many women married to men on the Autism Spectrum. They never suspected their husbands had high functioning autism, formerly known as Asperger’s. For years these marriages had no clue they were neurodiverse (neurotypical wife and autistic husband). These wives came to believe their husbands were jerks and/or narcissists, even though deep down they knew they were good men. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified neurodiverse couples counselor/coach. I have been in a neurodiverse marriage for 25 years.
The Happy Neurodiverse Marriage – How To Become One
The first decade of my marriage, I felt like I was going crazy and was on the verge of a nervous breakdown suffering from Cassandra Syndrome. Being the strong person I am, as well as being an effective marriage counselor, I refused to believe nothing could be done to reach harmony. Of course there were days I wanted to leave my marriage (threatening to do so every other month), but I loved my husband as he is a gentle and kindhearted man. He didn’t deserve my harsh acting out behavior because I was so frustrated and at a loss. He tried to the best of his ability to manage the neurodiverse stressors, but didn’t have the tools to be able to do so.
The Happy Neurodiverse Marriage – How To Become One
We received some marriage counseling, but as it turns out, traditional marriage counseling is not effective and can even be detrimental. In my research and development for working with neurodiverse couples, I became a certified neurodiverse couples counselor as neurology matters. I put systems in place and teach tools for communication and emotional connection with Asperger husbands. These tools help the dynamic become more relational and less transactional.
Asperger’s has it’s strengths but because of the disorder’s developmental challenges, interaction can be difficult and not clear.
Becoming a happy neurodiverse marriage includes:
- Education about Autism Spectrum Disorder
- Understanding Cassandra and how to manage these debilitating symptoms
- Accepting and embracing the disorder (formal diagnosis is not needed)
- Put a system in place to stabilize day to day life
- Get tools for communication and emotional connection
- Neurotypical wife needs to create a life of her own (independent of the marriage)
- “Happy Me Happy We” can get you on the right track for emotional independence
- Neurotypical wife could benefit from meditation and breathing techniques to develop neuroplasticity to be able to accommodate change in the brain
- Asperger husband can benefit from an AS men’s support group
Becoming a happy neurodiverse “we” isn’t going to happen overnight. It actually took us years to get to where we are today. Good enough can become amazing with effort and continual practice of the tools for communication and emotional connection.
For more information on becoming a happy neurodiverse “we” please contact me at (858) 735-1139 or to to my website CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com
