The New Year. Will you make this a Happy New Year or another year filled with getting other people’s needs met? With this upcoming year ahead of us I recommend staying away from making New Year’s resolutions and concentrating on oneself. Concentrating on self-care with good integrity (not intentionally hurting anyone) can be a growthful and healthy experience. If you don’t take care of yourself first, then anyone else in your life; children, partners, extended family members, friends, etc., cannot benefit from what it is you give them. Co-dependency runs rampant in our society. I believe it’s because getting our individual needs met and not knowing how to ask for what it is we want are not learned early in our childhood development. Hence all our relationships suffer one way or another because we are so busy getting other people’s needs met that we become unhappy, even angry in the process. When we are unhappy and depleted of all resources…no one benefits from what we have to give. Our relationships are affected by the amount of self-care given throughout the year.
Nurture your good relationships and let go of unhealthy ones as we begin this New Year. We may love our family members, but, there of some who we just don’t like and don’t feel good to be around. Friends who take advantage of and manipulate us aren’t really our friends. I help individuals acquire the skills for self-care and help them teach others how to behave around them. If they don’t how can real change occur with those who are displaying poor behavior towards them? Asserting oneself is not always easy, but in the long run can indicate self-love and help you feel more in control of your life.
As a Therapist I self disclose some of my own experiences to make my point more poignant to those I help. I know other Therapist may or may not agree with self-disclosure but I feel that’s what sets me apart from most.
In Couples Counseling or Individual Counseling in San Diego, determining whether a person “should stay or go” in their relationship is entirely a case by case situation and is contingent on what that individual needs and wants. There is no judgement or criticism in coming to their decision. The process of making the decision is just as important as the decision itself. Make this year the year you put yourself first. Happy New Year.