The Other Woman

The Other Woman is also known as the “Mistress.”  The profile of the “Other Woman” is not what Hollywood depicts on the big screen.  They aren’t the gorgeous, hot and sexy model types who have supernatural ways of preying on vulnerable men who would never have strayed were he not lured into it.  She’s not some fairy tale figure who’s perfect and gets that “happily ever after” ending.

The Other Woman

As a Marriage Counselor, the women that come through my door is your average girl next door, who can be someone a man met at work or knew from high school or is his child’s babysitter.  It doesn’t matter what profession which includes physicians, lawyers, bankers, computer programmers, waitresses, elementary school teacher, or a stay at home mom.  It could be someone you don’t actually know.  In awful cases, she can be a close friend, neighbor, or even relative.

The “Other Woman” may seem like she has tremendous power because of the fact that she exists and has caused much harm. Due to the insecurity caused by the affair wives see her position as the Secondary Relationship as a threat to the Primary Relationship.

As a Marriage Counselor and Affair Recovery Specialist, I help wives manage a range of negative emotions which include anger and hate.  The blame can be placed on the Other Woman and if she’s married there is the temptation or fantasy to expose her to her husband so her life can feel just as out of control as the wife.

In reality, most mistresses are women who for whatever reason, and there are many, choose to be with unavailable men.  The women I have counseled have not experienced the fulfillment that a relationship with an available man has to offer.  They are often lonely and alone.  Years can go by and they continue accepting whatever reason/excuse is given to them for remaining in that situation.  For some women, it works for them.  For others, it is very frustrating.  Another reason women stay with unavailable men is that they feel unworthy as a personal issue may still be unresolved.

Wives say women who have affairs with married men break the “girl code.”  Some do this because what they are being told gives them justification for doing so.  Men having affairs will say whatever they need to say to keep the affair going.

There’s this saying, “men have affairs because women let them.”  Same goes for women.  There is also a thing called “The Other Man.”

For more information about what to do when you’ve just found out your husband is having an affair, please contact me at (858) 735-1139 or email me at






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