2 Things Men Hate About Their Wives. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I work with men who come in complaining about their wives. The complaints can run the gamut and they are not without fault themselves, however, men don’t appreciate angry and ungrateful women.
You know who those people are. They’re road ragers, seldom happy about anything even when things are good, complains about everything, criticizes and judges, and is not appreciative of much. Anger is an emotion that isn’t very attractive to them.
When I was a young woman I didn’t handle my anger nicely and often took it out on anyone who was around me. My family members were fearful of my anger and rightfully so. I was not only angry but was able to rage about the littlest thing. Acting out my anger showed how immature I really was. I prided myself on exercising appropriate behavior but when I’m triggered anger comes out and I lose it. Yelling, name calling, melt downs, all of which can be quite abusive.
I hated my anger and wanted to understand where it came from. We all have an inner child within us. It’s referred to as the Adaptive Child. The adaptive child had to adapt to the crazy dysfunctional family it grew up in. The adaptive child helped us survive childhood wounds or trauma while growing up. We are functioning adults but some of us aren’t always able to manage our emotions in appropriate ways. The hurt, disappointment, sadness, feelings of abandonment, neglect, etc. manifest itself in acting out behavior. Anger is often an acting out behavior with underlying feelings of many emotions.
To resolve this problem both men and women need to identify what triggers them and determine what the feeling is to that trigger. Often times these triggers stem from childhood wounds so doing some inner child work is recommended. When the feeling (anger) is identified our Functional Adult learns how to take over and manage it by expressing how they feel rather than act it out behaviorally in ways that are immature and destructive.
Whenever I see people on the road who get cut-off and become very angry I can appreciate their pain/frustration as I understand they are acting out emotions from their adaptive child. It’s alright to feel angry but acting it out inappropriately is childish. I had to learn what triggers me and how to manage those feeling in healthier ways. Expressing your thoughts and feelings about your triggers are a good start.
If you would like to know what triggers you and how to manage your adaptive child contact me at (858) 735-1139. The work is effective in having a happier life and satisfying relationships.