Tips For Getting Over a Break Up

Tips For Getting Over a Break Up.  As a Couples Counselor I talk to a lot of couples who have been together for short periods of time and what seems to feel like forever.  In the beginning of any relationship there is that “Honeymoon Phase” where everything is new and exciting.  You’re on your best behavior.  You hide your flaws and ignore any of the red flags you may observe in your partner.  Fun and carefree while falling in love.  Then you enter into the “Conflict Stage” where disagreements and arguments come up and opinions are being expressed.  In healthy relationships both partners should be able to share their thoughts and feelings and have the ability to exercise effective conflict resolution skills to keep the ebbs and flows of life’s challenges in check while enhancing feelings stemming from the “Honeymoon Phase.”

In the event two lovers break it off and have to deal with the reality of moving on here are some tips for getting over a break up:

1.  Don’t rush into another relationship right away.  Don’t do the “rebound thing” as you won’t give yourself the opportunity to exercise #2.

2.  Give yourself some time to download.  Feel your feelings.  Grieve your loss.  Get some introspection and perspective.  Allow some time to heal.  Pain can lead to growth and new direction will help with exercising #3.

3.  Treat yourself to something extra nice.  Feel good about yourself and raise your self-esteem.  Continue to develop your greater Sense of Self.  Engage in activities that you want to do and you enjoy.

4.  Don’t bad mouth your “Ex.”  As tempting as this may be it only makes you look like a negative person and keeps negativity in your way.  Concentrate on what you learned about yourself while in this relationship.  If possible ask your ex for feedback about your strengths and where you could make enhancements.  Of course, if your ex is an abusive or unreasonable person the above is not appropriate and is not recommended.

We’ve all had breakups.  Some were for the best though quite painful.  Who wants the love of their life not reciprocating the same feelings?  Whether short lived or long term in duration, when emotions are shared and an intimacy has been established breaking it off is never an easy process.  Rather than ruminate and obsess about the reasons why your ex broke it off or dwell on the facts of your relationship’s demise, devote your energy in concentrating on yourself and how to make moving forward a positive experience so people around you find you less depressing and more interesting.

Feeling awful after a breakup is normal.  We all know that hearts don’t really break, but it can be hard to believe it when a relationship is ending.  If you need help moving on from a recent breakup please contact me at (858) 735-1139 or email me at for developing a moving forward plan that helps manage the heartache and put things in perspective.

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