Traveling With My ASD Husband. Traveling with my husband, who has Autism Spectrum Disorder, is an adventure that requires a bit of extra planning, but it’s incredibly rewarding. Understanding his needs and preferences is key to ensuring a smooth journey for both of us. You can imagine what travelling with him is like on vacation? I’ve been married for over 25 years. I didn’t know my husband was on the Spectrum until about 13 years into our marriage. My husband is a kind and gentle man. He is intelligent and can be hyperfocused in what interests him. We don’t always agree on what activities to do or what sights to see. It’s important to put a strategy in place so both of us enjoy our travels.
Traveling With My ASD Husband
Venice
Here’s how we make it work.
- Firstly, we always plan our trips well in advance. Spontaneity can be stressful for him, so having a clear itinerary helps reduce anxiety. We research our destinations thoroughly, ensuring there are quiet spots or activities that he will enjoy. We also make sure to book accommodations that offer a comfortable and calm environment, often opting for places with fewer sensory triggers like noise or bright lights.
- Packing familiar items is another crucial step. He has certain comfort items, like noise-canceling headphones, that help him manage sensory overload. We also bring along snacks he enjoys, as unfamiliar foods can sometimes be overwhelming.
- Communication is essential. We talk about the trip beforehand, discussing potential challenges and how we might handle them. This preparation helps him feel more in control and less anxious about the unknown.
- During the trip, I stay attuned to his needs. If he seems overwhelmed, we take a break or adjust our plans. Flexibility is key; sometimes we might skip an activity if it’s too much for him.
- Lastly, we celebrate the successes. Each trip teaches us more about what works and what doesn’t, and we build on those experiences. Traveling together has strengthened our bond, as we navigate challenges as a team. It’s about finding a balance between his needs and our shared desire to explore the world, creating memories that we both cherish.
The most recent trip was Costa Rica for my 65th birthday. We were in the Oso Peninsula which is home to at least half of all species living in Costa Rica. I was following my husband on a hiking trail. There were many low hanging palm leaves to dodge and as my husband was leading he neglected to inform me of the larger ones which eventually hit me in the face. I was a bit reactive, but because I have learned to be more responsive and not “act out” (reactive), the hike wasn’t ruined.
Costa Rica
My husband and I have traveled all over the world. We’ve been to six of the seven Continents and hope to visit Antarctica sooner rather than later. We’ve been to some exotic places that some people only fantasize about going to. So you can imagine I was feeling fortunate and elated when we went to some of the wonders of the world. These vacations and destinations I share are during the days I didn’t realize my husband was on the Spectrum. There are characteristics of Asperger’s that made travelling challenging.
Bali
An incident happened in Bali where I became enraged on our way home as I was fearful of being in a developing Country during a layover. I had purchased some wine for my father to thank him for house sitting. I purchased it through Duty Free and had my husband hold the bag for me while going through security. The security agent asked him what’s in the bag and he told them dinner wine. The security guard motioned him to an area where he appeared lost to the rest of us for about 30 minutes. My husband immediately followed the guards directive without even looking at me to see what was happening. We almost missed our connecting flight. He had to throw out the wine despite my following duty free instructions. The point of this story is my Asperger husband and his lack of executive functioning. It creates much chaos and havoc to me, the Neurotypical partner. I would have assessed the situation and explained to the guard of the duty free process from Bali to Taiwan and the situation could have been managed with less anxiety for all parties. When I tried to talk to my husband about it he blew it off as he said he was following the directive given to him. He offered no show of empathy or validating my ability to have managed the situation a little easier, nor was he aware of the anxiety the situation created for me.
Thailand
I develop our trips which include making all the plans. From airlines, hotels, food, scheduling, etc. So while on holiday I expect ease and enjoyment. I also expect my husband to exercise some kind of help if not through male chivalry. I noticed when checking into the airport and retrieving our baggage, he left the heavy lifting to me. I not only carried my own luggage but had to make sure his bags were securely removed from the baggage carousel. I also noticed he would let our daughter get her own bags, as well. We then would proceed to getting transport to our hotel. Again, I noticed he didn’t take the lead on procuring a taxi or find out where the shuttle bus is located. After about several trips like this I became frustrated and angry. I wouldn’t bring it to his attention because I thought common sense guided that process to help out.
Peru Amazon
The airport situation pretty much set the tone for the vacation. Of course, there were nice times, but I can truly say most of the time was confusing and frustrating. I became resentful. He seemed detached and non-interactive when he was out of his normal routine and environment. He acted curt with wait staff and would become frustrated and irritable when sightseeing. I could tell something was wrong but never addressed my observations with him. Due to his sensitivity to bright light eating out doors under the sun was not a nice experience. Again, because I didn’t know what was happening I thought he didn’t like or want to eat outdoors. He’s not a picnic type of guy so I thought as much.
I’d make up my own narratives about what could be going on and say things to myself like, “I wish he’d stayed home,” “he’s lucky to be on such a great trip,” and “what the f**k!”
Traveling With My Asperger Husband
Peru Machu Picchu
Fiji
I am fortunate to have a partner who is up for traveling to exotic places. I appreciate that he tries to accommodate. I also appreciate that it is difficult for him in making changes to his routine. He is a sport about eating indigenous food. I will say we have a wonderful time. There are snags that come up whether you are in a neurotypical relationship or not.
Australia Uluru outback
In addition, my book The Happy Neurodiverse Marriage has practical tools to help establish emotional connection and ensure effective communication.
For more information about traveling with your Asperger husband please contact me at CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com or call (858) 735-1139
