Vacation With An Asperger Husband. I recently took a vacation to Italy and wanted to share what travelling with a partner on the Spectrum looks like. To start off, I love my husband very much and we both have been working hard on maintaining a cohesive Neurodiverse Relationship. As mentioned in older posts his inability to be relational made me feel more like a group leader/organizer than a woman on vacation with her man in one of the most romantic places in the world.
We visited Naples, Rome, Tuscany and Venice and during our down time from sightseeing he was on his phone listening to audio books which were of apparent interest to him. While napping in a Villa in Tuscany he was listening to his audio books as he did when I took a bubble bath in our Grand Canal view suite in Venice. Had I not been educated on Asperger’s and being married to a spouse on the Spectrum I would have experienced many melt downs which include being upset, yelling, ignoring, shaming, crying, and threatening the relationship. In the past I wouldn’t bring his behavior to his attention, rather, ignore it or make some excuse about why he isn’t more interactive. Because I do so now and share what it means to me I am able to manage my emotions more appropriately. He learns with each opportunity as I tell him exactly what I need and want in challenging situations. He appreciates my input and is mindful to adjust his behavior in meeting them.
Being married to someone on the spectrum can make you feel alone, lonely and invisible. Cassandra Syndrome shares more of these kinds feelings. To help manage these emotions it’s important to have a good sense of self and do things to overcompensate them. On vacation I like to carve out time to be by myself for a couple of hours. As a Marriage Counselor, I enjoy people watching and observing couples interacting within their own dynamic. Helps me get some perspective as all couples have their ups and downs.
It isn’t easy travelling with someone on the spectrum as most of the time you do all the work. As with anything life isn’t perfect and being married to an Asperger husband has it pros and cons. In conclusion the trip was fabulous. Due in part, to our understanding of our Neurodiversity and the two of us being able to express our expectations.
For more information on being married to someone on the spectrum and how to manage being in a Neurodiverse Relationship please contact me at (858) 735-1139.