What Exactly Is MakeUp Sex? For some couples sex after arguing/fighting is almost like verbal foreplay. Makeup sex is sexual intercourse after conflict in intimate relationships. Conflict can range from minor arguments to breaking up. Sex under these circumstances can be emotionally charged and gratifying. Emotional significance can be conceived as a physical expression of reconciliation and rediscovery of a partner’s cathartic experience of a fight (psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions). Often times makeup sex can resolve underlying conflicts.
- Can make you feel more connected because you survived a challenging situation (fight)
- The anger/aggression after fighting is energy that fuels high emotions turning good sex into hot sex
- Sex can be used as an apology, the wronged partner overcompensates and makes sex a great experience
- Is a band aid in dealing with the underlying issues
- Restores the feeling of connectedness due to the release of Dopamine
Romantic conflict can increase feelings of sexual desire. Increased sexual desire is high due to the fear of losing the relationship. The experience can be psychologically threatening. Feeling threatened activates our biologically-based attachment system. This system keeps our important relationships intact. It motivates us to increase our sense of closeness and security with important people in our lives, such as our intimate partner.
The difference between couples who feel like roommates and couples who feel intimacy is the ability to share thoughts and feelings, ask for what they need and want, and avoid being conflict avoidant. Expressing feelings makes for being vulnerable and being vulnerable makes for intimacy. Fighting takes a lot of energy. That energy is a range full of emotions. When couples tell me they never fight I find their relationship suspect. Being cordial suppresses emotions that need to be expressed. The lack of sharing those emotions keeps couples from feeling intimacy. Although fighting is not an appropriate means for resolving conflict, it does make for highly charged feelings.
For more information about makeup sex please go to my website CouplesCounselorSanDiego.com or call me at (858) 735-1139.