What is Commitment Phobia & Relationship Anxiety?

What is Commitment Phobia & Relationship Anxiety?

a couple upset at each other

Being in a relationship is a goal for most people. It makes them feel relaxed and happy, with the main focus of being in that relationship for the rest of their life. For some, the idea of a long-term relationship sounds overwhelming, and the feelings of entering that kind of commitment can cause concerns, stress, or even panic.  Enter Commitment Phobia & Relationship Anxiety.

Related: Benefits Of Online Couple Counseling

What is commitment phobia? 

When it comes to being in a relationship, commitment anxiety is very common. People that struggle with this fear can shy away from the idea of dating or showing any connection with someone, although they are keen to love and be loved by another person. 

Commitment anxiety can also occur in current relationships that appear to be healthy and going well. If a physical connection begins to be too much for them, it can often cause an emotional effect, resulting in a lot of anxiety and fear. This is when you may start to deny or are unaware of your commitment issues. You will often feel like you want freedom and space when it’s too intermediate or close. 

Do you experience fear of getting into a relationship with someone you love? Couple’s Counselors San Diego can help you today

The Causes of Commitment Phobia? 

Sadly, the Phobia does not disappear on its own, but it will often increase. It is a balanced phenomenon among men and women, and the causes can progress from a negative experience in the past, accidents, injuries, or traumas that have not been treated or managed correctly. 

Sometimes it can progress over time since childhood that can affect you later on in life. For example, loneliness, neglect, divorce, fighting between parents, or having an overprotective youth can cause a lot of confidence issues

Past relationships can frequently have a considerable impact on current connections for fear of repeating emotional or physical abuse, and it can have a knock-on effect with touch, sexual chemistry, and trust.

Losing trust in a relationship from being in an unhealthy one or witnessing friends and family in a toxic one can linger subconsciously in the back of the mind.

Commitment phobia can also stem from social media, which is becoming a massive part of our lives. It’s something we are looking for and comparing ourselves to every moment of the day. Even though someone’s photos and statuses you see online seem like they are living the perfect life, it can sometimes be the total opposite. Just remember that people only post what they want to post, there are moments that they need a cry and time to be alone. The media can put a massive weight on us and leave us feeling engulfed with emotion and can turn us away from a healthy committed relationship.

Related: Can Your Verbally Abusive Partner Change?

Fear of Commitment? These Ideas May Help. 

Happy married couple

If it’s the feeling of fear that’s been a hurdle for you in letting go and embracing the love from a healthy relationship for a while, and are unable to overcome it, then we have some solutions for you.

If you are constantly thinking about this one question, “Should I stay or should I go?” then Sarah Cook Ruggera LMFT could be the solution for you, especially if you find it impossible to communicate without fighting. The “moving forward plan” will put goals in place to stabilize or correct your problem areas. 

Talking may be the hardest part, but it’s a great way to let your emotions and thoughts out. Speaking to a marriage counselor where you can spill your thoughts and feelings alone or in front of your partner, even if it’s not in order or if it does not make sense as you say it. A counselor can take everything you’re saying and pick it apart and put the puzzle together to align your mind

We all know the feeling of trying to say something, but you can not explain it in the way you want to. If you visit a trained counselor who has experience in treating clients with commitment issues, then they will completely understand what you are going through, and present strategies to overcome it. 

Social engagement with positive people in your life has proved to help with the anxiety of a relationship. Being in a relaxed environment may give you the freedom you need and take the problem off your mind allowing yourself to breathe. 

If your commitment issues are a milder case, you may benefit from some self-help books from the library. However, self-help books have its limitations, so you don’t get the full support you need from counseling.

Understanding the hidden fears that will hurt your relationships may come across as very overwhelming in your mind, but writing a journal or drawing your thoughts can play a significant role. If you struggle with where to start, then start by writing a brain dump page that will take a massive weight off your shoulders, write anything that comes to your mind, without concentrating on spellings, neatness, or if it makes sense. You could write or draw the struggling experience from last week, which triggers anxiety. 

After producing this, you will see certain things jumping out at you. These are the parts you can start with when writing a journal to decide if you need to speak to anyone or take time for yourself to process your feelings. It can give you some structure, so you spend less time worrying about forgetting any vital details. 

Contact Sarah Cook Ruggera to learn more about treating relationship anxiety and commitment phobia


Feeling and admitting the fear of commitment anxiety, even to yourself in the first place, is the most crucial step to recovery. Giving yourself that praise that you have made it this far will improve your journey to change and fix the fear. Allowing yourself and your life to be open for change is another massive step that will help you feel less anxious and more rewarding about the healing process.

Related: Counseling In the Convenience of your own Home – Teletherapy


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