What Is Erotic Recovery?

What Is Erotic Recovery?  An essential part of helping Couples move forward in Affair Recovery is the restoration of Erotic Recovery.  Infidelity and affairs cause Erotic Injury to the relationship.  Erotic Injury is where the Hurt Partner experiences an undermining of erotic confidence due to the infidelity creating damage between both parties. According to Dr. Tammy Nelson, author of The New Monogamy, feelings of anger, rejection, and deep insecurity can emerge around your sexual relationship. During this time reentering that intimate space could be really scary as it takes time to heal.


The goal of Erotic Recovery is a significant part of healing from the affair because it addresses basic relationship needs to be erotically and intimately connected.  During the process in which two people are trying to heal from a partner’s infidelity you may no longer feel attracted to your partner, or feel that your partner doesn’t find you attractive. This attraction of sensuality and sexuality isn’t just rooted in our genitals, it originates in our minds through our emotions and in our feelings of trust.  If you can’t trust your partner you certainly aren’t going to feel an erotic connection.

Sometimes an affair can trigger a new and intense sexual attraction to their partner and have even more sex with one another right after an affair than they had in the past. I refer to this as “reclamation sex.” Each is reclaiming their sex with one another to overcompensate for the injury created by the triangulated third person. Some people are embarrassed to admit this because they don’t want the Affair Partner to think this is an indication that all is forgiven.  The initial erotic injury can also create distance between a couple which brings about a new attraction and longing for one another.  The fear of losing each other can trigger old feelings of sexual connection, as well as their need for comfort during such a stressful time.  Although it could be the best sex they have ever had with each other it can also be confusing and emotionally frustrating.

Marriage Counseling includes acquiring empathy building skills.  When the Affair Partner can feel the pain and suffering of and show empathy toward the Hurt Partner the healing really begins.  The Hurt Partner needs to be able to manage the range of emotions about the affair while undergoing Affair Recovery  To regain the sexual intimacy wanted the couple needs to repair the emotional hurt that created the disconnect.

For more information on Erotic Recovery and how to move on from an affair please contact me at (858) 735-1139.

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