What To Do After An Affair Is Discovered

What To Do After An Affair Is Discovered. You’ve just discovered your husband or wife is having an affair. You’re flush with a range of emotions and are feeling very vulnerable. You’re overwhelmed because you think your relationship – and life as you know it – is over. Couples can survive infidelity. The single best indicator for success is if the affair partner (cheater) is able to provide empathy to the hurt partner where they obtain insight into why this happened and articulate why it won’t happen again. At the same time, the hurt partner needs to manage the range of emotions appropriately as this process takes much time for healing.

As a Marriage Counselor specializing in Affair Recovery, I would urge you to slow down, breathe deeply, and not do anything impulsive. Acknowledge your feelings but don’t act on them.  Try to exercise appropriate behavior as you begin the recovery process.

girl holding a shirt with the imprint of lipstick.

What To Do After An Affair Is Discovered

As a Couples Counselor I provide these helpful steps to help you deal with the discovery of an affair:

    1. Normalize your emotions – You will be on an emotional roller coaster. Don’t ignore your feelings, don’t be in denial about the seriousness of the situation, and don’t exacerbate the situation by telling everyone that your husband (wife) is a lying, cheating, adulterer. Keep it private.
    2. Give each other space – Don’t get into each other’s face and start judging and criticizing. This will accomplish nothing and only produce more bad feelings. Give yourselves the gift of time away from each other to talk to a Couples Counselor; Affair Recovery Specialist, someone who can get you communicating productively and moving forward.
    3. Don’t rush into discussing explicit details – Wait until you get into Marriage Counseling before airing out the dirty laundry. A trained Marriage Counselor will guide you through this awkward and difficult process so that you can make emotionally intelligent decisions on the path for recovery.
    4. Tell only select and trusted people in your life –  Empathic support is vital to the healing process. Don’t isolate yourself. Good friends create and maintain the momentum needed to go through this difficult time.
    5. Seek professional help with a Marriage Counselor – Find a Marriage Counselor who specializes in Infidelity and Affair Recovery. They have the tools and the training you will need to survive and move forward.
    6. Your children see and hear more than you know. Remember, your children are under your protection. They suffer when you speak badly of the other parent, so don’t.
    7. Keep the faith – Your Marriage Counselor may be able to offer more choices than separation or divorce.

Dealing with infidelity can be excruciatingly painful. Focus on understanding where your best interests lie. As you consider your options, don’t wallow in self-pity; be compassionate toward yourself.

Some couples can overcome an affair by looking at the silver lining and make their relationship work, if not better, than ever before.

I specialize in Infidelity and Affair Recovery.  If you want more information about what to do when an affair is discovered, please call me at (858) 735-1139.






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