When You’re The One Having An Affair. Men and women cheat for different reasons. Most of these reasons have little to do with the Hurt Partner. Affairs are less about love and more about a lack of boundaries. Affairs can happen in good marriages. The major attraction in an affair is not the love partner but the positive mirroring of the Affair Partner (self) –“the way I look and feel when I see myself in the other person’s eyes.” The conventional wisdom is that the person having an affair isn’t getting enough sex at home. That may be true, but often the truth is the person isn’t giving enough.
According to well known sex therapist Dr. Tammy Nelson there are ten things every cheater should know:
- You’re the one who cheated
- It doesn’t matter why you did it
- Tell or don’t tell; but don’t blame your spouse
- Stop saying I’m sorry
- Sometimes it’s just chemistry
- Sometimes it’s a mistake
- Sometimes you fall in love
- You can stay or go
- Create a new vision
- You can’t have it all
Recovering from infidelity involves the willingness of unfaithful spouses to demonstrate sincere regret and remorse. The single best indicator of whether a relationship can survive infidelity is how much empathy the Affair Partner shows the Hurt Partner for the pain they have caused.
Time must past with active participation in the Affair Recovery process. It’s important to receive expertise in this kind of therapy as most couples counselor may not be effective in finding out why the affair happened and helping both partners get the insight they need in understanding their dynamic to effectively move forward developing a new relationship that works for them.
When you’re the one who cheats it’s important to understand there is hope for the Affair Partner and the Hurt Partner through Affair Recovery to make sense of their relationship, choose a new direction in which to build trust, and rebuild their lives.
For more information on infidelity and what to do about it contact me at (858) 735-1139.