Why Women Start Affairs. Women and infidelity are not that different from men and infidelity. There are many reasons why both men and women cheat. Men tend to cheat because there are an abundance of people who are open to being in an affair. According to Ashley Madison (Refinery 29) women tend to cheat because they feel they can be more honest with their cheating partner. In working with my couples, women say they felt they could be more like themselves.
The key to surviving an affair is affair recovery. With an Affair Recovery Specialist changes for success are more likely than with a couples counselor without the expertise. And while in affair recovery, the single most indicator to moving forward is the Affair Partner must be able to show empathy and understanding toward the Hurt Partner, while the Hurt Partner manages their emotions about the affair. Affairs are seldom about sex. They can stem from the person’s need for self-fulfillment and have little to do with the person being cheated on. The major attraction in an affair is not the love partner but the positive mirroring of the self – “the way I look and feel when I see myself in the other person’s eyes.”
It’s often difficult to share thoughts and feelings with our significant partner because it risks being vulnerable. But taking risks is what makes for vulnerability which is key for intimacy. Cheaters tend to share private stories about their partners, problems at home and their feelings about them. Opening up to another person sharing those kinds of stories will make you feel closer to them. The closeness can be mistaken for love when it’s actually infatuation because of it’s novelty. Bring that sharing into your primary relationship and see what happens.
As a Marriage Counselor and Affair Recovery Specialist, I help couples do just that. Teaching couples to be more forthcoming, sharing thoughts and feelings and asking for what they need and want makes for intimacy which leads to a feeling of emotional connectedness. Without intimacy couples feel like roommates. And bad roommates at that.
No matter what the reason for cheating, it is a painful experience. Understanding meaning and motive behind the cheater’s behavior can repair the relationship and/or offer peace of mind to the parties involved. Moving forward involves developing a healthy sustainable relationship. Communication is key.
For more information about affair recovery please contact me at (858) 735-1139.