Women And Independence – Your Sex Life Depends On It. It’s wonderful being a woman. I grew up in an Asian culture where being a woman was not held in high regard compared to a man. I’m sure it’s similar to other cultures. Growing up in a patriarchy society little girls are raised in a system where males are in authority. Thank goodness it is becoming more equitable in modern American culture. Woman are becoming more and more empowered. We have the confidence to excel in whatever it is we choose. Sex included. The more developed you are to knowing who you are and what you want the better you are to make choices that make you happy. In relationships we are independent in an interdependent relationship. Becoming a strong “me” makes for a stronger and more content “we.”
As a Marriage Counselor, I work with couples who are married and not married. They come in with various challenges that range from communication to loss of intimacy. An issue develops that brings women into counseling typically after the Honeymoon stage. Sex and intimacy can diminish after a significant period of time as the details of life take its toll on a woman’s sense of self. Women complain their husbands want sex even when they say they are tired and not in the mood. Husbands complain when they do have sex their wives aren’t that “into it” and feel like they have sex with them just to keep them from nagging about it. These details of life include working to pay bills, parenting, household responsibilities, self-care, and occasional discord. Some women say sex can become mechanical and no longer exciting as the grind of everyday life ruin the anticipation of wanting an orgasm.
Remember when sex was hot? Emotional and physical intimacy can be amazing with your partner when a woman maintains her Sense of Self. Having the ability to make choices in her life that are congruent with her standards and values rather than having them dictated to her makes for a happier human being. Think about it, most women have been told what to do all their lives. From a young age, our fathers, mothers, brothers, teachers, employers, and husbands tell us what to do. We tend to do as we are told so as to be the “good little girl.” Do as you’re told and you will be a good wife. Being a good wife tends to include having sex with your husband even when you are tired and don’t feel like it. No wonder sex can be boring for us at times. When we feel the sense of obligation, duty, and responsibility to have sex we tend to rebel and do the opposite…..not want to. Just like teenagers when told to do something they don’t want to do, they won’t do it. When given the opportunity to have the choice more than likely we will choose to want that choice. Sex is so pressured for both men and women in marriages to have “to have” that it has taken away the fun and excitement that non-married people seem to enjoy. It’s no wonder so many people engage in extra-marital affairs.
In Marriage Counseling, I help couples discuss what is needed to develop a sexual relationship that is appealing to both parties. Couples want more than Vanilla sex. Women want to feel desired and want to “want to” have sex. I tell my couples that sometimes having sex with our husbands or wives is not as exciting as having sex with our “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” Knowing how to do that is magical.
If you want more excitement in your bedroom contact me at (858) 735-1139.