Women, Maintain Your Sense of Self. As little girls, many of us were socialized to be the “good girl”—to please others, avoid conflict, and follow the expectations of our parents and society. I heard messages growing up like, “You can be anything you want,” and “You’re just as good as anyone else.” Yet those encouraging words often conflicted with the reality of how women were expected to behave and live.
Women Maintain Your Sense Of Self
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I help women unpack the stories they bring from childhood—stories that continue to shape their adult relationships. Many of my clients appear to have happy lives—a family, a home, even financial comfort—yet they struggle with depression, anxiety, and a gnawing feeling of disconnection from themselves.
One common thread I see? Women losing their Sense of Self.
Examples from My Practice:
A former attorney turned stay-at-home mom who shared, “I used to feel powerful arguing cases in court. Now I feel invisible making peanut butter sandwiches.”
A successful entrepreneur earning over $1 million a year, who quietly tolerates her husband’s infidelity to “keep the family intact.”
A woman with a PhD in biochemistry who confessed, “I haven’t used my degree in 10 years. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
I want to be clear—I’m not judging stay-at-home moms. Many are amazing at what they do. But I question whether the traditional setup truly serves women emotionally, psychologically, or financially. The old American Dream can quickly become a nightmare if you’re in a relationship where you’ve surrendered your independence and your voice.
Financial Autonomy Is Power
When you rely 100% on your husband’s income, you lose a vital source of power. Too often, I’ve seen women blindsided by betrayal—whether it’s emotional, physical, or financial—and left without the means to leave or rebuild. Financial independence gives you options. It helps you make decisions based on values, not desperation.
Emotional Autonomy Is Freedom
Having your own circle of friends, hobbies, and interests keeps you grounded and differentiated from your role as wife, mom, or caretaker. It keeps you interesting—to your partner and to yourself. And when you respect your own boundaries, others are more likely to follow suit.
You Teach People How to Treat You
When you continue to tolerate verbal abuse, silence, or neglect, your partner learns that behavior is acceptable. Over time, this pattern chips away at your confidence and self-worth. But when you speak up, set limits, and follow through, you reinforce your value—not just to others, but to yourself.
Abusive partners can change, but only if they choose to. You must decide what kind of life you want to live—and whether your current situation reflects that life.
Final Thought
Whatever your reason for staying in a painful relationship, I hope it at least makes sense to you. If it doesn’t—or if you’re feeling lost—I invite you to reach out. I can help you find perspective and begin to reclaim your Sense of Self.
Contact Sarah Ruggera, LMFT, at (858) 735-1139
Helping women reconnect to their strength, clarity, and voice.
