Women Who Date Unavailable Men. I’m sure most of you have a friend or a person you know who’s dating a man that is not available. Whether these guys are married or have told them (and on numerous occasions), they are not ready nor want to settle down, these women tend to remain in a relationship knowing full well it doesn’t work for them.
So what’s up with that? Psychologically, there are many reasons that answer that question.
As a Couples Counselor, I work with these women. They are intelligent, educated, self-sufficient and attractive. What keeps them interested in remaining in a relationship that doesn’t work for them? Well, for some it does. They don’t want the commitment. Reasons being a fear of intimacy or choice not to be in a committed relationship. We all have some degree of fear of intimacy. Depending on what you experienced in your formative years (0 – 17 years), these personal issues get carried into our adult life making decisions that aren’t always in our best interest.
Women and men stay in relationships that don’t work because their personal issues consist of low self-esteem and a lack of worthiness. As a young woman, I stayed in a couple of relationships where I should have left sooner rather than later. As confident as I presented, I grew more self-assured with the development a stronger sense of self. I didn’t feel valued enough growing up as I was the child who was independent and apparently didn’t need much attention. In Family Systems theory, I was the “Hero” of my family but didn’t feel I was compensated well enough compared to my siblings. So I kept my mouth shut, suppressed/repressed my feelings and internalized not feeling good enough. If I did express an emotion it was anger. Underlying emotions of hurt, disappointment, and sadness kept me from getting my needs and wants met. Of course, my parents didn’t have any ill intent but the impact it created for me effected how I behaved in relationships.
For more information on how to resolve this dilemma please contact me at (858) 735-1139